A Car Wash

So here’s a confession: I had never been to a car wash.

I know. But back home I just used a hose and a mop to clean a car at home, and in Tokyo I always rent a car.

But now though I live in downtown Toronto, and something tells me swinging a hose around in my condo’s parking lot might result in a letter from management or possibly just immediate eviction. So yes. It was time, I had to face it: The Car Wash 

But here’s the thing. I was terrified. 😭

What if they suddenly threw a dozen confusing “packages” at me and pressured me to decide in 0.3 seconds? What if I couldn’t figure out how to use the panel and caused a line-up of angry drivers honking at me while I burst into tears inside my car?

I love Canadians, I really do—they’re polite, the loveliest humans in the world… until they get behind the wheel. Driving in Toronto is like playing a horror game in real life. Try to make a simple left turn and someone’s SUV comes flying at you from a completely unexpected angle like it’s been launched from a catapult. You finally turn safely and realize you’re in the streetcar lane. And if you stop for a moment someone may come all the way next to you, roll down their window specifically to shout “F*CK YOU!”

So obviously, I imagined that going to a car wash would be an equally apocalyptic experience. What if I messed up and got stuck inside? What if I entered from the wrong direction? What if I pressed the wrong button and the entire system exploded? The possibilities were endless.

Thus, for three full months, I agonized over how badly I wanted a clean car… while continuing to drive around in a mobile pile of road salt and dust. I even wrote “Car Wash” into my calendar like it was a dentist appointment I’d keep rescheduling forever.

Still, I couldn’t bring myself to go.

I couldn’t ask a friend to come with me just to sit in the passenger seat for emotional support. That would be ridiculous and I'd lose all my aura points. I hinted to one friend, jokingly, that I was kinda scared. But he was like “Lol you’ll be fine!”, and I didn't know how to continue this conversation.

Eventually, that same friend asked if I’d finally gone. I admitted no. And then maybe he realized I was legitimately afraid, he kindly sent me a full tutorial video. A whole walkthrough of how to do a car wash. Just for me. Honestly, who else is watching those kinds of videos? But bless them. It actually helped.

At that point, pride was on the line. It was time to woman up and go.

When I finally mustered the courage and drove in… the place was packed. I guess it was the first sunny day in weeks and everyone collectively decided to scrub their winter sadness off their bumpers.

I was ready for battle.

But soon I realized that I was just mostly waiting in line. It was so boring. My existential dread started to wear off. I spaced out. And then, the attendant randomly started chatting with me. He was bored too, apparently.

Next thing I know, we’re bonding over Japanese anime, and he suddenly goes, “Wait, I have to call my wife in Pakistan!” And then I’m… on a video call with his wife and entire family. Just, casually. At the car wash. It was so random.

At the end he goes, “Come back soon!” and I was like… “Um… sure?” (Do people really wash their cars that often?)

Anyway. Long story short: It was FINE. If anything, it was kind of meditative. I just sat there watching soap slide down the windshield, it was so peaceful.

And now I've got another new party story.

But also, maybe a little life lesson: the things we build up in our heads as scary, embarrassing, impossible—they’re often so much less than we imagine. Sometimes they're even kind of fun.

Whether it’s moving countries, changing jobs, walking away from something (or someone), speaking up, posting video on socials, getting on a stage, trying something new, booking that impulsive solo trip, cooking tiramisu for the first time, stargazing on a midnight whim, sipping a highball in a quiet park with your lover (oh it's illegal here, nvm), calling in sick without guilt, wearing a bold outfit, trying bold makeup, texting that person, trusting that person, or even letting yourself fall for someone…

Sometimes, the only thing standing between you and the good stuff is the fear of the unknown. And sometimes, all it takes is one silly video, one kind friend, one sunny day—to help you face it.

And hey, if you ever need someone in the passenger seat for moral support? I volunteer. I know what it’s like. 🫶🚗✨